When Showme disowned us

I am proud to announce that me and Dee are responsible for the lifelong trauma and speechlessness of the Third Retard. Though this has led to unpleasant side effects such as her not wanting to be seen with either of us in public, her not acknowledging our existence, etc.

It all started when me and Dee shared a deep dark secret which I am going to reveal right now. Although both of us are pro-women-rights (me being slightly more rabid about it), we secretly listen to Akon sometimes. More specifically, Belly Dancer, that illuminating track where he urges the ladies to "jiggle jiggle it all, all night".

Disclaimer: Neither of us believe that any lady should do the aforementioned activity for the visual pleasure (or otherwise) of misogynist gentlemen such as Mister Akon, who is also famous for other gems such as Mister Lonely and I want to four letter word you.

So to get back to my little anecdote: after we had shared this secret, we instantly engaged in some friendly banter about the said song. Unfortunately for Showme, a few weeks after this friendly exchange, the three of us got together and prepared to attend what they call a Gig in this part of the world.

We clambered into the taxi and were immediately overtaken by the overwhelming desire to sing Belly Dancer, which we proceeded to do with gusto.

Dee generously provided the background rhythm -- basically went "aaa - aaaaaa" several times in different pitches, while I launched into a very desi version of the song, quickly joined by Dee. It's hard to demonstrate here, but this is basically how it went -

"Hay ladeej drawp eet daawn, just wantoo see you taach that graaund,
Don't be sai garl go bananjaa, sake it laike a bailey danceeer"

This is my personal favorite part -

Girl shake ya body body
Wit somebody body
Whatever you do don't break your body body
After the party party
Grab a hottie hottie
In the back seat of your Maserati-rati

Dee's speciality is the "aaa aaa aaa" sound that immediately follows this excellent verse.

While me and Dee enjoyed ourselves immensely, it has led to a permanent estrangement with the likes of Showme and another friend who was unfortunate enough to be present in the cab with us.

Too bad the auditorium was so close to University. Me and Dee were planning to launch into Kevin Lyttle's (sic?) Tempted to Touch reggaeton remix and would probably have substituted the incomprehensible Spanish lyrics with some neologisms of our own invention!

Harharhar! B-)

PS - All of this was, of course, before a certain phenomenon popularly recognized as "Scansion" ruined all our lives. It's a part of our RhetComp course and while our course content is generally very agreeable, this one had us tearing fistfuls of hair out of our scalps.

This is how we think now:

"Before the end of the night" - iambic tetrameter

I wan | na hold you so tiii | ght - trochaic dimeter with spondee.

Music is forever ruined for us. Why oh why must we be put through this?